I put the fucking “X” in Xmas

I have had a couple people ask me what I want for xmas. I gotta say,I totally hate this crap.

I am, by rule, not quite the holiday type. Actually, that is putting it a bit mildly. I bloody detest the period of time betwixt Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. Fuck cheer, fuck the commercialization, fuck the Christians sapping the hell out of a long-honored set of seasonal traditions, then hijacking them with their lame conversion techniques. While I’m at it? Fuck Channukah and Kwanza and anyone else who wants to celebrate and feel that they need to drag everyone along on the ride.

I am a bastard for these commercialism Christmas compulsive shoppers. I work hard so that I mostly have the things I need/want. The only things I don’t have that I do want are big list items, which is why I don’t have them. Because they are big-list items, they make notoriously bad gifts. I’m the type of person to whom a ffing card or moment spent writing a thoughtful email will go way further with than a “thing”. Somehow, it always comes back to the “things”. I fucking hate things, and I hate the money, and the engine fueled by the dammnedable cash that make this whole goddamn season a marketing/salesperson orgy.

If I had powerful mojo, I would wipe the whole fucking world of the memory of the Americanized version of this holiday. Macy’s Parade to the goddamn ball dropping, in a blip. Why? Because it moves people away from what the focus of gift giving should be – thoughtfulness, earnest labors to show appreciation or love, and, maybe, for the truly sentimental, some sort of memento that reminds them of that appreciation and love. Not entitlement, obligation, and dissappointment, which always seem to come up in the buyers frenzy celebration.

Amusingly, I was just mentioning to at lunch that my holiday angst had not really hit yet, mostly because I am down on enough other things right now. I think my system was trying to filter it out to save energy. It is amazing what opening your email can do to give the phrase “spoke too soon” so much credence.

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In other news I had a very productive/unproductive weekend. Saw some people here and there, had good times, etc. Also missed out on some self-imposed obligations, some social things I had wanted to do, and some chores I really should do. I also learned some new but good friends are probably moving away soon, which bites the big one. However, they would be going for a great reason/opportunity, so kudos to them.

The result of my weekend: leaving me very restless going into an enormously busy week. Every day is something between now and Sunday, except for Thursday at the moment. The pendulum is cutting the rope here fast, and I am awash in trepidation over my upcoming change in responsibilities. It is not fear, per say, simply concern at being able to fill the shoes laid out for me. I think I can do it, but I’ll be damned if it is gonna be easy.