monday morning i woke up to a loud black woman screaming out of her cab and sitting on the horn for over five minutes.
tuesday morning, i woke up to my alarm, and proceeded to spill a half-full glass of red wine all over myself waving for the snooze bar. i do not recommend this as a way to start the day.
this morning, i woke up and immediately vomited, like, forty or so seconds after my eyes opened. a byproduct, i believe, of partaking in white castle before my hike home last night. i do not think it was the jamacian patties i had earlier in the night, as any bugs in them would have been rendered harmlessly sterile and inebriated by the whiskey bath i gave them. and before, reader dear, you give me crap about ungentlemanly drinking behavior on a tuesday night, i defy anyone who claims they were able to make it through the mets game last night without some sort of chemical interaction to dull the pain.
do you know how hard it is to find the word ‘gurgitate‘ in a dictionary? i know ingurgitate is the reverse of regurgitate, but gurgitate by itself is also usable (but far from rolling off the lips). apparently since the competitive eating fatties have made the word gurgitator synonymous with competitive eater, the word has increased in frequency of use, but many people think the root verb was plain made up. this fascinates me, the taxonomy of language, and how some words can become completely obscured in a relatively short period of time, despite the fact that they have roots in words that were commonplace for years.
the point of this missive is that i do not recommend the reverse ingurgitation of white castle. it makes workdays taste like sour pickle burps.
EDIT:iwas apparently overly grouchy/complainy about the knicks after the mets lost. my apologies to
