{"id":1410,"date":"2005-01-05T21:00:00","date_gmt":"2005-01-05T21:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/2019\/02\/20\/my-insides-are-a-gordian-knot\/"},"modified":"2019-02-20T21:56:53","modified_gmt":"2019-02-20T21:56:53","slug":"my-insides-are-a-gordian-knot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/2005\/01\/05\/my-insides-are-a-gordian-knot\/","title":{"rendered":"my insides are a gordian knot"},"content":{"rendered":"

i saw for lunch today. it was wonderful.
\nwalking down park avenue in the snow was wonderful. i came home, cleaned some. was nice enough to take out the garbage. thank you. i have been horribly remiss in tending to affairs at home of late. tomorrow i have to do laundry. and are going to put up with me<\/strike> put me up next week.
\ni was the recipient of an unbelievable act of kindness from a friend today. thank you.
\n apparently knows how crazy i am. she bought me a book on templars. i will read it next week. thank you.<\/p>\n

i had a whole post planned out in my head walking home. all the emotions i have flipped through this week – somewhere between the dishes, dinner, and pavarotti singing bellini, i lost it.<\/p>\n

i am reading the procedure<\/a> by mulisch. it is heartbreakingly beautiful. it almost made me cry on the bus today.<\/p>\n

my right ankle is a raw pustule of pain – thanks dress shoes. damn the suits.<\/p>\n

sometime between now and sunday, i need to clean all my clothes, pack for a week of training, pack for a weekend in vermont. shop for food, cook, store the food, set all the arrangements so that foodstuffs can be collected by , and keep my toes crossed that the weather will cooperate in my attempts to rondevous with a caravan heading north next friday so i can make the ski trip. all the stress over something that i wanted to be nothing but relaxing is irksome.<\/p>\n

i have been drinking too much, but eating well. i haven’t been consistent about eating. i am exhausted. i have been sleeping a lot, but not well. still not 100% health wise, but definitely on the mend. i think drummer guy might be back. last night was bongo central for 3 hours.<\/p>\n

work is a quandary – i am at the center of so many things. the process, the technology, the schedules, it is almost too much. in six weeks i will need to have the next year, at least, planned out. in that year, if certain things go the way i do NOT want them to, i will be planning the next 2 years thereafter, with lots of complicated technology problems, and huge amounts of stress. if things do go right, i need to institute so many changes – i feel like that bouy<\/a> that washed up today. how could something that big be mysterious in origin, with no clear indication of a future before it?<\/p>\n

i’m trying to stay positive. i am trying to focus on the wonder that is the place i work. i am trying not to get swallowed by the shadow of expectation looming before me, or the sun of responsibility gleaming hot on my shoulders. i am trying not to wallow in the tearing of so many strands of my web, which somehow i hoped this job would eclipse or rebuild, but now, 72 hours into the changing of gears, i now see that, if anything, it is making those tears more defined.<\/p>\n

i am tired. not long for the world tonight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

i saw for lunch today. it was wonderful. walking down park avenue in the snow was wonderful. i came home, cleaned some. was nice enough<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"chat","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[175],"class_list":["post-1410","post","type-post","status-publish","format-chat","hentry","tag-confused","post_format-post-format-chat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1410","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1410"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1410\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3983,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1410\/revisions\/3983"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1410"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1410"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/delascabezas.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1410"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}