This is the first morning i’ve had to breathe in a long time, mostly because I’m keeping my out-of-office on from the ffing 6 hours of meetings i had yesterday.
\nMore tonight, but i don’t really want to talk about work.<\/p>\n
I’ve had some real boilers of potential posts out there in the past few weeks – the election, the economy, side projects… Big sweeping ideas for posts that I have in the subway, or that I am mulling over as I drift off to sleep.<\/p>\n
What I lack is time to make them concrete.<\/p>\n
Nano has been killing me. I’m trying, I really am, to keep my work going. I’m not even looking at wordcounts, partially because I know it will depress me, partially because I don’t want to try and rush the story. It has rekindled a project in me that i didn’t even know still had banked embers. It has also led me to procrastinate, but even doing that has been productive – I’ve done gobs of work on my RPG, and, as I said, come up with a dozen new ideas. My brain works differently when i spend more energy creatively. I wish i could do it all the time.<\/p>\n
I’m filled with fear at where we have gotten – as a nation, and as a species. we are living in unprescidented times. As someone i was talking to last night said “I don’t think anyone ever has had it as good as Americans have had it in the last century.” I can’t argue with that, and yet it is still so broken – it could be so much better, not just for Americans. We are right on the edge between a layer of creation which could signifigantly change our species, yet it is so far from being done in a way in which it really will. I’m far more concerned with a new wave of bio-techno-feudalism than I am hopeful that change will come to us all in good, affordable ways.<\/p>\n
Too much Philosophy, too much Theology, too much fucking theory. My head is busting with the stuff, and everything I talk about, everything I do, is echoing all that heavy thinking others have done before me. I’m beset by this constant sillibant soundtrack that comes and goes dependong on if I am actively thinking about what I am doing, or just going through the motions, as we are trained to do from a fairly early age.<\/p>\n
I yearn for a lifeline, a brain-anchor, something absolute to cling to in the midst of all this, and sadly, I’ve not had that for a really long time. Reflecting like this doesn’t make me want to find one, it just makes me more jaded – my only dependable absolute is Murphy’s Law.<\/p>\n
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