< brouge >
\nSix retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.<\/p>\n
Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, ‘Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?’<\/p>\n
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.<\/p>\n
‘Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.’<\/p>\n
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.<\/p>\n
Gallagher declares, ‘Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.’<\/p>\n
‘Tell him to drop dead!’, says Murphy’s wife..<\/p>\n
‘I’ll go tell him.’ says Gallagher.<\/p>\n
\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663<\/p>\n
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.<\/p>\n
‘What happened to you?’ asks Sean, the bartender.<\/p>\n
‘Micheal O’Connor and me had a fight,’ says Paddy.<\/p>\n
‘That little O’Connor,’ says Sean, ‘He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.’<\/p>\n
‘That he did,’ says Paddy, ‘a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.’<\/p>\n
‘Well,’ says Sean, ‘you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?’<\/p>\n
That I did,’ said Paddy, ‘Mrs. O’Connor’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.’<\/p>\n
\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663<\/p>\n
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.<\/p>\n
A cop pulls him over. ‘So,’ says the cop to the driver, ‘where have ya been?’<\/p>\n
‘Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,’ slurs the drunk.<\/p>\n
‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.’<\/p>\n
‘I did all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.<\/p>\n
‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, ‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’<\/p>\n
‘Oh, thank heavens,’ sighs the drunk. ‘for a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.’<\/p>\n
\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663<\/p>\n
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.<\/p>\n
He says, ‘So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?’<\/p>\n
She says, ‘Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.’<\/p>\n
The priest says, ‘Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?’<\/p>\n
She says, ‘That he did, Father.’<\/p>\n
The priest says, ‘What did he ask, Mary?’<\/p>\n
She says, ‘He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun….’<\/p>\n
\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663\u2663<\/p>\n
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.<\/p>\n
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.<\/p>\n
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.<\/p>\n
The drunk mumbles, ‘Ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either.
\n< \/ brouge ><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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