The 5 questions most feared by men are :<\/p>\n
1. What are you thinking about?
\n 2. Do you love me?
\n 3. Do I look fat?
\n 4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
\n5.\tWhat would you do if I died?<\/p>\n
What makes these questions so difficult is that every
\none is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
\nincorrectly (i.e.,tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each
\nquestion is analyzed below, along with possible responses.<\/p>\n
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?<\/p>\n
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if
\nI’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
\nthoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have
\nmet you.”<\/p>\n
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
\nanswer, which most likely is one of the following :
\n a. Football.
\n b. Golf.
\n c. How fat you are.
\n d. How much prettier she is than you
\n e. How I would spend the insurance money if you
\ndied.<\/p>\n
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered
\nby Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was
\nthinking, I would be talking to you”<\/p>\n
Question # 2: Do you love me?<\/p>\n
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more
\ndetailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include:<\/p>\n
a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
\n b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
\n c. That depends on what you mean by love.
\n d. Does it matter?
\n e. Who, me?<\/p>\n
Question # 3: Do I look fat?<\/p>\n
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”<\/p>\n
Among the incorrect answers are:
\n a. Compared to what?
\n b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly
\nthin.
\n c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
\n d. I’ve seen fatter.
\n e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking
\nabout how I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/p>\n
Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?<\/p>\n
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of
\ncourse not!”<\/p>\n
Incorrect responses include:
\n a. Yes, but you have a better personality
\n b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
\n c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
\n d. Define pretty
\n e. Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking
\nabout how I would
\n spend the insurance money if you died.<\/p>\n
Question # 5: What would you do if I died?<\/p>\n
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course,
\nis Buy a Lotus and a Boat). No matter how you answer this, be prepared
\nfor at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines :<\/p>\n
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
\n MAN: Definitely not!
\n WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married?
\n MAN: Of course I do.
\n WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
\n MAN: Okay, I’d get married again.
\n WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
\n MAN: (makes audible groan)
\n WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
\n MAN: Where else would we sleep?
\n WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them
\nwith pictures of her?
\n MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
\n WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
\n MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.
\n WOMAN: – – – silence – – –
\n MAN: Shit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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